I look better un-naked...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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