I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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