we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Randomize
