She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
