I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
