Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
