Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
