Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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