I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
