How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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