I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
