Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
