she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
