Small penises have feelings too.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
