Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Randomize
