I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
