Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
