wrigley field is MILF paradise
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
