for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
