he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
