You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
