i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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