i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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