I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
