Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
