So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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