the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Randomize
