2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We need a shit load of segways right now
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Randomize
