You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
