how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
