Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
