i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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