god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
