If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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