He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
