I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
