It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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