You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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