im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
