Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
