I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Blood and glitter go together right?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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