Don't make out with my wife yet
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
