There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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