ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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