He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
