Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
