his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
