i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
