He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
