Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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