people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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